Wednesday, 21 July 2010

22.

Where you goin’? You runnin’ away from me? Come back ‘ere, kid. You asked about it. I don’ promise about no harming you, kid. Kid, you said you wanted it. Come back here then. Quit your running. Where you gonna hide? You can’t hide. Com’ ere. The pain is yours, kid. Just how you wanted it. This pain. ‘s all yours, honey. Little lovin’ don’ you go all quittin’ and runnin’ from me now. Don’ you go hiding from me. You stronger than this, baby. You no deserter. How do I know? I taught you this. And you were a good student, you learnt your lesson well. Right? Don’t you go drifting off on me now. You gonna enjoy this, you gonna learn to enjoy this, kid. Be tough, kid, be a monster, be a rock so the world can’t touch you, yeah? Come oan, kid, suck it up, kid, this is life, kid, this is a valuable lesson kid. Hey kid. Quit your cryin’ now. Now that’s just childish. Be a man, kid, take it like a man. Are you a sissy, kid? Are you gonna cry? You gonna tell mommy? Are you a fag, kid? Is this what I taught you to be? You’re a fuckin disappointment, kid. Yeah, this is better, kid. Snap out of it. Come oan, don’t make me hurt you. Stop this. Yes, wipe your tears. Gimme a smile, kid. Like that smile you gave me that day. You said you wanted to escape yourself, remember? To escape mommy, daddy, the world. Now you must feel it all. You must experience the pain, embrace it, or its wasted. You asked for it. Don’t you try to run away from it now. Don’t go all pussy on me, boy. You grit your teeth, baby boy, like I taught ya, take it, boy, take it like a man. How else you gonna live with yourself? You gotta toughen up, kid. Babe. You gotta toughen up. You don’t wanna grow all wimpy and weak, lovey, do ya? I’m gonna make you a man. A real man. But you have to take the pain, you have to celebrate the pain, the pain is all that separates you from those damn corpses over there. You wanna die then? You wanna die? You wanna be a damn wimpy little corpse? Come to me, kid. Quit this, it ain’t gonna help you. Don’t try to sing yourself to sleep. Quit these daydreams, you think they’ll save you? You gotta toughen up, see things as they truly are. I’m gonna make you a man, baby boy. This pain’s gonna make you a real man. Now come here. Come here. I love you, kid.
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4 comments:

  1. Manic21 July 2010 at 14:22

    Astonishing, it's such visceral writing, so affecting. That's real skill. I heard my fathers voice there.

    ReplyDelete
  2. dogboy22 July 2010 at 01:13

    Thank you, Steppenwolf, i guess this means there was some kind of success, i used to write just to write, sth like emotional and psychological and mental vomit, and couldn't know if that stuff would "speak" to anyone.
    Fortunately, or unfortunately, i've never really known my dad, so i can be creative about it. But i know for sure that many fathers are shit and ruin their kids in lovely ways.
    DB

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  3. Anonymous22 July 2010 at 07:55

    mm i like. father or lover or both? twisted.

    my father was a bastard, but more in an alcoholic/suicide way. Told me i was disgusting and grotesque and a freak and my life will suck and I will suffer, but i think he was talking more about/to himself. r.i.p.

    thanks about the drawing....kid, baby boy. haaa.

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  4. dogboy24 July 2010 at 01:34

    Killer Luka,

    a lover. Could def be a father though. Or step-dad. Whatever. People you trust and who let you down and talk you down. People with influence to manipulate a young soul.

    I'm sorry for your dad. Are you mad at him?

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