Moving out has been postponed for another year at least: all that seemed old and faded is now another reason for me to be grateful.
Every lie now I love. I have to.
Life is held together by duty and obligation. Sanity is held together.
You can't tell the truth no more except if it's spoken behind a mask.
The fantasy of escape is more potent than the escape itself.
The roads of the world are open to every imbecile who thinks he can walk them. The roads of imagination are only open to few.
The only way to get by and get through is to stick to the plan, get the job done, no complaints, no alarms. The only way to maintain sanity is to bow your head, no questions asked, no doubts laid out.
The only way to be part of the human race is to bow down, pray to God and be thankful. The only sign is the sign of the cross.
Life is nowt but a series of illusions, delusions and, for the unmasked ones, disillusions. It's nice to have illusions and delusions and think of them as charisma. The meek shall inherit the earth. Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven -or, certainly, the kingdom of this world.
Who am I? What am I? These are questions i have to erase if I want to survive. I don't need humbleness, I need subtlety.
I want to write and need to write but this doesn't necessarrily mean that I'm going to write or that i possess the gift of writing. Not everything revolves around me and mine. I am not the center of the universe, I am not the world. I am a ghost, I am a no-one. I'm not presumptuous.
I am not I, or shouldn't be, because what does I mean?
Get the job done. No moaning. Adapt. Adjust. Do not open your mouth. Close your eyes, cover your ears. Take a big breath. You're diving deep now.