Sunday, 5 September 2010


Moving out has been postponed for another year at least: all that seemed old and faded is now another reason for me to be grateful.

Every lie now I love. I have to.

Life is held together by duty and obligation. Sanity is held together.

You can't tell the truth no more except if it's spoken behind a mask.

The fantasy of escape is more potent than the escape itself.

The roads of the world are open to every imbecile who thinks he can walk them. The roads of imagination are only open to few.

The only way to get by and get through is to stick to the plan, get the job done, no complaints, no alarms. The only way to maintain sanity is to bow your head, no questions asked, no doubts laid out.

The only way to be part of the human race is to bow down, pray to God and be thankful. The only sign is the sign of the cross.

Life is nowt but a series of illusions, delusions and, for the unmasked ones, disillusions. It's nice to have illusions and delusions and think of them as charisma. The meek shall inherit the earth. Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven -or, certainly, the kingdom of this world.

Who am I? What am I? These are questions i have to erase if I want to survive. I don't need humbleness, I need subtlety.

I want to write and need to write but this doesn't necessarrily mean that I'm going to write or that i possess the gift of writing. Not everything revolves around me and mine. I am not the center of the universe, I am not the world. I am a ghost, I am a no-one. I'm not presumptuous.

I am not I, or shouldn't be, because what does I mean?

Get the job done. No moaning. Adapt. Adjust. Do not open your mouth. Close your eyes, cover your ears. Take a big breath. You're diving deep now.


  1. It's funny that at 48 I'm still dealing with the same issues as a man so much younger than I. That we ask the same questions. I guess we are all pretty much the same after all. There is a commonality in all human experience. You can write though dogboy. Would I be here otherwise? You are at the center of your world - or you should be. Let other worlds look after themselves. What does the judgement of others matter? You know yourself, that's what counts - what you think counts. Still it's a thought provoking blog and well written too.

  2. "The fantasy of escape is more potent than the escape itself."

    love that.
    i missed you. you can write!!

  3. This is'nt as optimistic as I expected after a week off shagging.

    As Gabe said,
    "the fantasy of escape is more potent than the escape itself", is a fantastic line.

    As our friendly lycanthrope said you are the core of your own Universe, the trick is to get it to dance in tune with your wishes.

    I suppose it takes a certain arrogance and confidence to achieve but it can and should be done.

    This is the only chance you get.

    Forget the god crap, there is no pretend friend riding a cloud about to swoop down and save your miserable misbegotten arse.

    The Greek do not inherit the world neither are cheesemakers particularly blessed.

    You are own your own brother, you and those you love and who love you.

    Subtlety is crucial, learning to play the game, when to attack and when to feint.

    Do not let the bastards grind you down !

    The rest is a piece of piss.

    When diving I always recommend a BCD and an oxygen tank.