63.wrote this while asleep

i used to live a life of leisure.a life of quality, i protested but i didn't want it so bad to end. then something happened to it, or it had been happening my entire life, forcing me, moving me, levitating me to this.

an empty morning under the sick yellow light of a bulb, white marble that doesn't look so white, cold, shivers, a sour taste in mouth from too many pills that fuck you up and down and too little food, stomach digesting itself, liver disintegrating, something rotten or rotting, coming out of my mouth and my ass.

i knelt.i obeyed. i submitted.the music was terrible.my life is a song now;cages of rats, walls, worms, breaking bottles, screams that no-one heard bc they were too drowned inside, descent self-annilhilation, slow collapse of inner self, i don't know who i am, who i was, i've changed 3 times and this last change has left me-

a shell, if you put your ear against my chest you'll hear the wind in its void, if you push your tongue in my mouth you'll taste bitter death, and if you cum inside me i won't know a thing. i am a thing. i'm all cold surfaces. i cut and bruise the surface but it's like incising a dead man. no warm blood in here. i'm a necropsy.

feel.trust.obey.
obey obey obey.

evil.sold.soul.beauty.what?another pill.eyes.closing.heavy.mind.racing.another pill.clock.present.time.always present.obey.obey.obey.sleep, and dream of a better place.sleep,and dream of nothing.

ultimately.death.