59.

i'm losing my lovers to my hired friends
i'm losing my friends to that boy that wants to be swathed in crispy white sheets
wtf?
people come near to see me but won't talk to me
if they do, i just stare back cos i really don't know what to say that won't make me sound stupid or ridiculous
it's like a mirror breaking
and it's like a moon in the mirror
a thousand splinters a thousand rays that pierce my groin
and blood looks black in the night
i don't know if i'm bleeding or if you're playing games
i don't know know about no holes no hopes no hollows
just the hollow of your cheek
scary when i wrap myself around you i can feel you
your body is thumping against my chest
like a bird erratic being of tiny fast breath
i'm afraid i will crush you
your eyes bug out
oops, i'm thinking and squeeze tighter
i've lost my friends to my self's own enemy
i just wish i could do something beautiful
watching my friend being fucked by his boyfriend depresses me
i wish i could shoot at words
i wish i could shove a gun up their ass
and pull the fucking trigger
there's no reason i write this
i'm no poet
it's my way of saying, fuck off
or fuck me?