44. hate

I don't hate Christians. hating something without trying to understand is the same as fanatisism and fanatisism is not a good thing all around, from every possible perspective. I guess being a Christian is a choice, even though too many Christians where I live haven't been given a choice they were just raised to go to church and participate in communion every Sunday and fast during importnat christian holidays like Xmas and Easter and stuff. And that's about it, performing your duty as a Christian. From what I've seen, being a good Christian also implies a hunger for money which is like the opposite of what a good Christian would do, accumulation of wealth and stepping on those who get in your way of accumulating it. Christianity is a good concept, as religion or philosophy, but i only see people using their religion to get what they want: to get money, a good job, a good wife or husband, etc. etc. and also a legitimate reason to criticize and castigate. Out of all religions, why it was Christianity, orthodox or catholic, to have shed the most  blood and in ways that would make Marquis DeSade blush, or vomit in disgust? If Jesus Christ and his sacrifice is not a bed time story or a fable to offer meaning and substance and a Destination to the otherwise and seemingly meaningless, pointless, random chaos that is life, if religion is not something to delude us and give us hope when there is none, if faith is really there and not applied so as we humans won't be scared shitless every time we close our eyes, well, then, what do you think He would think of all the hypocrisy inherent in the church, and its delegates, and what would He say for the blind believers who do nothing but hate and accumulate wealth, is there really a place in heaven for all this passionate hatred? I dread to think. If you want to save me, then respect my intelligence, my choices - if you want to save me, then please don't be all condescending. You have blind stupid faith (any blind faith is stupid faith) that will not save you, you get on your knees and pray and make yourself believe that God will help you, Isn't that a sin too, the belief that God will actually give a damn about your tiny problems, that God watches down on you because you're SO special and SO pious? What do I have? I think me and God we're okay between us, we've come to an understanding of sorts. If there is a God, I dom't thing he'd banish me because I chose to self-medicate rather than pray; because i chose to suffer rather than delude myself; because i chose to doubt rather than accept and kneel.