Wednesday, 28 July 2010


He asked you, on the third night, 'what do you want'?
And you said, you said: I don't know.
You said: I want a mattress on a wall.
You said: I want books to read.
You said: I want to forget.
You said: I want to feel alive, cause I'm not.
You said: I want to be gutted by a bull.
You said: I want to be thrown to the lions.
You said: I want to be tied to a pole naked and have stones thrown at me, or arrows at my body.
You said: I want to be myself.
You said: I want to be someone else.
And he asked, laughing, he asked, 'you're kind of lost, aren't you?"
And you said, not knowing what this laughter meant, you said: But I want to be found.
And he patted your head,
And you leaned into the palm of it, his hand, nuzzled the lower part of your face in it, and you said: I want to be your dog. You almost had tears scrapng your throat as they swelled upwards.
And he remained silent.
You said: I want to look out of windows forever. I want to look in on other people's lives because I have none.
You said: I want to live in a garden.
You said: I want God to come down and take me by the hand.
You said: I want to cease existing. But every day i wake up it's just another struggle for existence.
He said,'there's not much we can do than survive."
He said, 'we're all monsters.'
You said: yes, yes.
Should we set the monster free?
He said, 'everyone i see in the street is part of me, or i'm part of them, but we don't know. This is part of the beauty in the world, eliminate the I. You and me and them and us, we are visions of ourselves, there are no words to make us true, the words just distort what we are, nothing.'
That night, you were standing under a big arch in some square, empty, but illuminated, it was raining and the rain formed clouds mingling with your cigarette smoke. He let you lean your head against his shoulder. You both wanted to be one with the arches and the walls and the statue and the rain and the nimbus around the street lights, one with the paved square. How strange to be born a human and not a stone staring into eternity or the non-existence of it.
You said: Things are funny.
He said: Things are serious.
You both thought: things are in-between. things are ghosts. words are ghosts. we are ghosts, made out of words.


  1. Oh Man
    'I want to be found'
    come on hurry up, FIND ME!
    that is so me. lol.
    Nick X

  2. in no realtion to this but I was wondering do you like Mary and the Boy, I love them, what are they up too, do you know by any chance.

  3. "forget your running I will find you"...
    "as lost as i get i will find you..."
    Do you really wnt to be found? Or to be revealed?
    Do I really want to be found?


    ~~and no, no, i haven't heard of them, I googled them, they're a greek band, right? read some really cool stuff about their music and loved heir song titles but couldn't find anywhere to download and hear rtheir stuff. Where did you foind out about them?


  4. this really gets me - you know? like a catch here in my throat or something, like it's something i want. the fucking burden of identity & how sweet it would be to jus hand that to someone else - it's your fucking responsibility now. ive tried it plenty and i guess you have too - does it ever work?
    sucks to have to even write it down sometimes.

  5. My quote is"only when i lose myself in someone else is when i find myself." Depeche Mode, of course, lol, but u know what i mean.But do we lose ourselves? And does this someone else welcome the burden, well for a little while, it's fun then it gets boring and overbearing, and no matter what you're stuck with your identity or identities, haunted by it, hunted by it, a huge fucking responsibility, a huge fucking burden. Do we crave for loss of idenity or loss of consciousness? Does it work. ha. Guess not. I'm stuck with my filthy self, trapped in my body and whatver shitty thought comes with it. So iguess you wanna be a stone too? lol
    take good care, man.

  6. yeah Mary and the boy are Greek. I downloaded off itunes. fuck me is standout track. try to get hold of some.
    nick x
    and your quote to me. NIN right?

  7. NIn, ueah, of course!I'll try to get hold of some mary and the boy for me, then.thanx!